Archive for the ‘selfhelp’ Category

Conquering Self-Doubt and Becoming More Confident

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

Building a Happy, Healthy Family at Home

What a joy it is to feel harmony in our home! Striving to build a happy, healthy family at home is a very important endeavor, and the rewards are great for those who make it a priority. Families provide each of us with a sense that we belong, and our families contribute to our individual identity.

A healthy family structure can provide the emotional support to nurture and instill a sense of security in all of us. Relationships that we share in the family also allow us to develop the morals and basic values that we carry throughout our lives. This is why it’s so very important that we each strive to have the goal of building a happy, healthy family at home.

· Building solid relationships within the family is absolutely essential for the success of each individual in the family – whether young or old.

4 Elements of a Strong Family Bond

All too often you hear stories of dysfunctional families who have multiple problems and just don’t know how to function or communicate with each other. Surely this is not a scenario you imagined when you started your family! Rather than risk that path in life, here are some tips for developing a strong family bond:

1. Respect your family members. When it comes to family members, respect should be issued right from the beginning, even if it has yet to be earned. At the same time, it’s also important that you work to earn the respect of other members of the family.

· Respect is simply the process of placing value in the other people who make up your family.

2. Enjoy shared experiences together. The old saying, “A family who plays together stays together,” is very relevant in today’s world. Sharing experiences helps to build respect.  It also enables you to learn more about the people that you share a home with so you can discover their likes, dislikes, and the things that make them thrive from day to day.

· Families should work hard to ensure that they make time to spend with each other – both as a team and with each other on a one-to-one basis.

3. Trust your family. It’s been said that trust is a requirement for all fulfilling relationships, whether in your personal life, social life, or professional life. If you have respect for an individual and spend enough time with them to know their needs and desires, a mutual trust grows naturally.

· Trust is necessary to have open and honest relationships in the family.

4. Learn to give as well as take. Successful families know and understand the importance of the “two way street” that should exist within the family structure. When every family member understands this, you will all enjoy working and playing together.

· Every family member should know and understand their role and work to give and take on an equal basis.

It’s Never Too Late To Start Building a Happy Family

If you currently have discord and contention in your family, you might think it’s too late to rectify the situation. However, by taking positive steps to make changes as a whole family, you can start to rebuild your trust and respect.

One parent alone can’t make these changes by themselves. Open communication is critical so the entire family can understand what the current problems are and how to fix them. You may meet some resistance, but focusing on peace and harmony in the home should motivate even the most stubborn child. Once your family members get a taste of the happiness and security that a loving family brings to them, they won’t want to live any other way!

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Building a Happy, Healthy Family at Home

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

Becoming a More Assertive Person

Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. There isn’t anything wrong or aggressive about open and honest communication when done appropriately. You’re merely clarifying your needs to another person.

  • Assertiveness is being able to express your feelings while still respecting the feelings of others.

Benefits of Assertiveness

Assertiveness is an important skill that can greatly reduce the amount of conflict in your life if used appropriately. Assertive people tend to see that their own needs are met in a timely fashion and therefore are healthier individuals with much less stress in their lives.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, passive people see themselves as victims and may become resentful and angry until one day they explode.

To help you avoid piling up resentments, I’ve compiled some techniques you can use to become a more assertive person.

Tips to Help You Become More Assertive

1. Stick with the facts. When confronting someone about a problem, instead of exaggerating the situation by saying “You ALWAYS (or NEVER) ______” simply state the facts of the current situation.

  • For example, if a person is habitually late, instead of telling them they’re always late, mention what time they arrived and what time they had agreed to be there. The discrepancy will speak for itself.

2. Begin with “I” instead of “You.” When you start a confrontation with “you,” it seems like an attack and usually puts the other individual on the defensive. Starting with the word “I” brings the focus to you – how their behavior has affected you and how you are feeling.

  • Rather than criticize the other person, show the people in your life how their actions affect you.

3. Maintain a confident posture. Letting others see your confidence helps you to assert yourself.

  • Stand up straight
  • Look people in the eye
  • Stay relaxed
  • Speak clearly
  • Respect the other individual’s personal space

Think of two people: one who is slouched over and afraid to look at your face and the other who is standing tall and commanding respect. Which one would you respect?

4. Use a firm pleasant tone of voice. Being assertive doesn’t mean raising your voice or getting emotional. Keep your responses short and direct. There’s no need to make excuses or justify your response.

  • Yelling only instigates more anger and possibly even violence. Speak your mind calmly to keep everyone calm.

5. Don’t assume that you already know the other individual’s motives. You may be surprised to find they aren’t the heinous person you thought they were!

  • Just as you can’t judge a book by its cover, you might not know all the details of what’s happening in the life or mind of the other person.

6. Listen and then ask questions. Instead of concentrating on how right you are, remember to listen to the other person’s point of view.

  • Try to understand where the other person is coming from and ask questions to clarify any concerns you might have.

7. Compromise. You may need to compromise to find a solution that meets the needs of everyone involved.

· The best solution is when both parties are satisfied with the outcome.

8. Evaluate. Every situation is different, so you’ll need to assess the circumstances to determine how much assertiveness is appropriate.

9. Acknowledge your successes. Being assertive may not go well in every situation, but you can always learn from your mistakes and do something differently next time.

  • Acknowledging your success brings you the confidence to continue asserting yourself.

You may occasionally feel guilt about asserting yourself because it can feel selfish to speak up about your own needs. Just remember that you, too, deserve to be treated with respect. Only you can teach people how to treat you. Only you can do the best job of taking care of you.

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Becoming a More Assertive Person

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. There isn’t anything wrong or aggressive about open and honest communication when done appropriately. You’re merely clarifying your needs to another person.

· Assertiveness is being able to express your feelings while still respecting the feelings of others.

Benefits of Assertiveness

Assertiveness is an important skill that can greatly reduce the amount of conflict in your life if used appropriately. Assertive people tend to see that their own needs are met in a timely fashion and therefore are healthier individuals with much less stress in their lives.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, passive people see themselves as victims and may become resentful and angry until one day they explode.

To help you avoid piling up resentments, I’ve compiled some techniques you can use to become a more assertive person.

Tips to Help You Become More Assertive

1. Stick with the facts. When confronting someone about a problem, instead of exaggerating the situation by saying “You ALWAYS (or NEVER) ______” simply state the facts of the current situation.

  • For example, if a person is habitually late, instead of telling them they’re always late, mention what time they arrived and what time they had agreed to be there. The discrepancy will speak for itself.

2. Begin with “I” instead of “You.” When you start a confrontation with “you,” it seems like an attack and usually puts the other individual on the defensive. Starting with the word “I” brings the focus to you – how their behavior has affected you and how you are feeling.

  • Rather than criticize the other person, show the people in your life how their actions affect you.

3. Maintain a confident posture. Letting others see your confidence helps you to assert yourself.

  • Stand up straight
  • Look people in the eye
  • Stay relaxed
  • Speak clearly
  • Respect the other individual’s personal space

Think of two people: one who is slouched over and afraid to look at your face and the other who is standing tall and commanding respect. Which one would you respect?

4. Use a firm pleasant tone of voice. Being assertive doesn’t mean raising your voice or getting emotional. Keep your responses short and direct. There’s no need to make excuses or justify your response.

  • Yelling only instigates more anger and possibly even violence. Speak your mind calmly to keep everyone calm.

5. Don’t assume that you already know the other individual’s motives. You may be surprised to find they aren’t the heinous person you thought they were!

· Just as you can’t judge a book by its cover, you might not know all the details of what’s happening in the life or mind of the other person.

6. Listen and then ask questions. Instead of concentrating on how right you are, remember to listen to the other person’s point of view.

  • Try to understand where the other person is coming from and ask questions to clarify any concerns you might have.

7. Compromise. You may need to compromise to find a solution that meets the needs of everyone involved.

  • The best solution is when both parties are satisfied with the outcome.

8. Evaluate. Every situation is different, so you’ll need to assess the circumstances to determine how much assertiveness is appropriate.

9. Acknowledge your successes. Being assertive may not go well in every situation, but you can always learn from your mistakes and do something differently next time.

  • Acknowledging your success brings you the confidence to continue asserting yourself.

You may occasionally feel guilt about asserting yourself because it can feel selfish to speak up about your own needs. Just remember that you, too, deserve to be treated with respect. Only you can teach people how to treat you. Only you can do the best job of taking care of you.

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Battling and Overcoming Stress During the Holidays

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

Battling and overcoming stress during the holidays can be a challenge to anyone. There are a number of things that can lead to this type of stress:

  • Family gatherings
  • Coping with loss
  • Busy stores
  • Long lines
  • Projects
  • Gift buying
  • Conflicts
  • And more

You may also have high expectations that add to the stress of your holiday season. Long gone are the days in which the season was highly anticipated and there was a sense of magic in the air. As an adult, you may find the season to be more stressful than joyous.

  • Unfortunately, these days, you may even consider holiday stress as a necessary holiday tradition!

Here are some methods you can use to battle and overcome stress during the holidays:

1. Are you overcommitted? The holidays normally come with many social gatherings that most of us feel we must attend. The fact is that you don’t have to go to every event you’re invited to.

  • Saying “no thank you” to some of the invitations will free up more time for yourself!

It’s important to remember and enjoy the spirit of the holidays. If it takes saying “no” to preserve some of your sanity, go for it! Others will be more understanding than you give them credit for.

  • Don’t become so burdened that you secretly wish for the season to pass quickly. Take time to be by yourself.

Whether you take a yoga class or a bubble bath, allow yourself to do something enjoyable without worrying about the holiday stress.

2. Carrying on traditions. Growing up, we may have seen our mothers cook a full course Christmas dinner. Perhaps it was routine to host a lavish holiday party. Maybe your family baked hundreds of Christmas cookies to give to friends and relatives.

  • Tradition is good but don’t allow yourself to become so wrapped up in tradition that it consumes you.

If you find that the routine you normally follow for the pure and simple sake of tradition is weighing on you and resulting in more stress than you can deal with, break away from it! You will be happier when you’re free from this stress.

  • Rather than living up to the expectations of years past, start your own, easy-going traditions. Instead of throwing a lavish party, have fewer friends over for tea and cookies. Allow other family members to bring side dishes to the holiday meal rather than cooking it all yourself.

3. Finding the perfect gift. There’s so much pressure to purchase the perfect gift for each person that it takes all the fun out of shopping. Remember, people are generally appreciative for whatever gift they receive. They don’t expect you to go to every corner of the Earth to find them a spectacular gift.

  • Save time and money by skipping the wrapping! Creativity is the main focus. You can even give gifts that can be used throughout the year. For example, you may give a coupon in a card for a free night of babysitting, one day of yard work, or other special things.
  • Shopping online has made searching for gifts much easier. It might also be more cost effective to buy online because many stores offer special sales or free shipping near the holidays.

As you can see, there are several effective ways to battle and overcome stress during the holidays. The key is to determine what’s causing your stress so you can eliminate it. In the end, you’ll see that most of the stress you experience is a result of the expectations you pose on yourself.

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5 Ways to Deal with Negative People

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

No matter what our occupation, we all come in contact with negative, difficult people from time to time. Our primal instinct is to fight back, defend ourselves, and react to their negativity with some of our own. However, we are not animals who are led by instincts. We are human beings with the ability to control our responses.

  • To fight anger with anger merely depletes our own energy and brings us down to the same level.

Why are people difficult?

When people act negatively, it’s a reflection of what’s going on inside them. It’s not about you; it’s about them. It may be a complicated, troubled past or something as simple as a bad day that makes a person angry.

  • People who are bored and unhappy with their own lives will seek out conflict to boost their egos.

Our ego then responds by thinking, “I have to be right. If I don’t respond, I’m conceding defeat.” Then we find ourselves engaged in a conflict that hurts us emotionally, mentally, and maybe even physically.

Ways to Deal with Difficult People

Here are some ways to deal with these difficult people. They may not all be easy (heck, none of them are easy!), but they will give you some peace of mind that you’re doing the right thing.

1. Wait before responding. Our first instinct is to immediately react and retaliate. However, reacting to another individual’s negativity usually only eggs them on. You may even realize that a response is not even needed. Maybe the other person was merely venting and needs to simply be ignored because the attack was not personal at all.

  • If you spend some time cooling off before you respond, you can gain perspective on the situation. If necessary, remove yourself from the room when confronted with a difficult person. Go for a walk outside or walk up a flight of stairs to vent your frustrations.

2. Stop rehashing the situation. This is especially a problem in office job situations where gossip spreads like wildfire. There will always be someone ready to listen to bad things about another. This is a waste of your time and energy. Drop the subject and move on.

  • The longer you dwell on the situation and talk about it with others, the more negative and angry you’ll become. Take the high road and step away from those who are gossiping or speak up and tell others you don’t want to listen to it.

3. Express your feelings. If you simply need to get your emotions off your chest, try writing a letter. Vent all your thoughts, feelings, and hurt onto the piece of paper. Let it all out until there’s nothing left to say. Then crumple up the paper and throw it away. As you do, imagine your negative feelings being thrown away with it.

  • Don’t let your partner or spouse prevent you from speaking your mind. A true partnership is one in which the ideas and thoughts of each partner are heard.

4. Put yourself in their shoes. This can be very difficult, but study the individual who’s hurting you. What’s going on his life right now? Maybe he’s having family issues or a health crisis.

  • Try to look at the situation as an objective observer detached from the situation. This can help give you some compassion for the difficult person in your life.

· Prayer or meditation can help you stay calm and see a situation differently. Consider the difficulties this other person might be facing in life and think about how you would handle a similar situation.

5. Respond positively. This may not always be possible and certainly won’t be easy. After looking over the situation and trying to understand where the other person was coming from, find something positive to say about him.

  • Remember the phrase, “Kill ‘em with kindness”? Very often responding calmly and with a friendly tone will diffuse a difficult situation.

Negative people are everywhere. Don’t let them take your happiness away or affect your mood. Teach these difficult people by leading a good example, by responding calmly, and by showing kindness. As a result, you’ll bring more happiness to others and find that you feel a greater happiness yourself.

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5 Simple Brainstorming Techniques

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

It happens to all of us. We reach that dead end where we simply run out of fresh ideas and we helplessly fumble for solutions that have escaped us. What can we do to get the creative juices flowing again?

One of the best strategies to resolve this dilemma is to use a brainstorming session. The basic technique is easy as 1-2-3:

1. Think of many ideas in a short period of time.

2. Jot them all down.

3. Go back and evaluate each idea’s possibilities.

These brainstorming sessions can be invaluable when trying to come up with fresh, outside the box, ideas so we can work towards an effective solution to a difficult challenge.

Here are five tips to help you make the most of your brainstorming sessions:

1. Get outside input. Instead of going at it alone, get some help. Gather a few of the most creative people you know for a group brainstorming session. After all, two (or three or four) heads are better than one. These other participants may come up with some great ideas that may never have occurred to you otherwise.

  • Let people have fun brainstorming. Relaxed people generally feel more creative, so encourage your group to pace, recline in their chairs, or turn it into a game – whatever they need to do to enable the flow of ideas.

2. Write down all of your ideas. Even if you come up with some wild ideas, write them down anyway. They may be more viable than you think! Some of the greatest breakthroughs in history came from ideas that were considered as pretty outlandish at first. Write it all down and revisit it later.

  • This is a time for gathering ideas, not for shooting ideas down. Avoid discouraging participants in your group because they won’t participate as freely and they might keep the perfect solution to themselves.

3. Be creative and try something different. If you can’t see a solution right away, think of the problem from a fresh perspective. Look at it from a different viewpoint and maybe a new solution will present itself. Traditional solutions don’t have to be the only way to solve problems, and getting creative may get the ball rolling towards the ideal solution!

  • Many successful entrepreneurs have a talent for observing people’s wants and needs. Then they find or invent a creative new solution. Watch the world around you and don’t be afraid to experiment with new ideas or unusual solutions.

4. Try combining ideas. Whether you’re brainstorming on your own or as part of a group, you may need to mash different ideas together. Sometimes great ideas are born as twins – in the course of a brainstorming session you might come up with two halves of a perfect solution. Don’t be afraid to look at the results in an unconventional way.

  • Some people have started their own businesses by combining their love of baking with their love of dogs to produce their own brand of doggie treats. It’s not a conventional pairing, but it’s one that works!

5. Ask questions. This works especially well in group brainstorming sessions. Encourage plenty of questions about everyone’s ideas. Questions can lead to a basic idea being fleshed out into a workable solution, and that, of course, is what a brainstorming session is all about!

  • Ask questions, discuss, or even debate. Approaching solutions from different perspectives helps you see a larger and more accurate picture.

Acquiring problem solving skills makes our life so much easier! Use these techniques to brainstorm new ideas and solutions, and you’ll discover new fountains flowing with ideas you never knew existed! Problems can become opportunities in disguise. You just may find yourself going from zero to hero in one short brainstorming session. Try it – you’ll like it!

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